27.9.03
deep sleep without a single dream or nightmare or interruption. followed by a long afternoon nap after lunch. am i that drained or what? and i finally got my well-deserved and long-awaited A Mole books!!!! :D yay! got myself two off the shelf, hehe, The True confessions of Adrian Albert Mole and The Wilderness Years. not as funny though, compared to the earlier editions...guess it's because he's growing older and does less inane stuff which tickle me so much. nevertheless, i've finally got the books. ahh... :)
the thing that always happens the day after the exams are over: i open my eyes and an immediate thought hits me, thinking what i am to revise today. god...i nearly jumped out of bed to start flipping my books. and then the comforting realisation that the prelims are over...it's just so amazingly saccharine sweet. couldnt refrain from thinking abt my prelims though...abt the possible outcome...am so dreading it...dad asked if i couldnt get into the school of choice, where else would i consider? mind blanked out - no i.d.e.a. there are no alternatives whatsoever.
dawdled around the house for the entire morning, not knowing what to do. sometimes i really wonder which is better...to have exams to study for or having nothing to do at all. i guess that no matter what, it's still the latter...shall have to find sth that can interest me long enough for this week at least...to keep me occupied instead of milling around my sis and interferring with her plans to study. i can be so so irritating if i want to.
argh. so bored.
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26.9.03
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.
What feeling do you represent?
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today was the last of the prelims! woohoo! at long last...peace and relaxation~ to those who are still having exams, all the best k? gd luck!! :)
hafnt felt so wonderful for a really really long time. thanks doro...though you may not even realise what impact you actually created on me, you just made me feel good today, really thks. you sparked off a series of self-reflection which i have put off for a rather long time. a rare escape from the monotony of school. tomorrow, genuine hibernation commences, yay! yash...ready to complete the list of post-exam activities i told you about last time with me? *beams*
tonight...worry-free tv! gosh, it's been a while. for the past two weeks, it's been watching cum studying at the same time..or rather, merely stealing glances at the book once every few minutes, trying to convince myself that at the very least, im doing sth..heh.
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25.9.03
My inner child is sixteen years old!
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...
You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.
Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
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Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
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great. cant find my honour card. ever since the prelims began, my things have been a total mess-up. have not the slightest clue as to where it may be. going over to the other side to check if i slipped it into my handbook. hopefully it's there. hate searching for things. as it is, my VA book's already missing. oh yes, and the negatives too. how idiotic can i get. am so disorganised, (for once, haha)...am also going to get hold of my richard clayderman and beauty and the beast scores too. cant survive any longer without the proper scores...without them, i tend to get stuck in the middle without knowing how to continue...cant tolerate the incomplete sound of it...i love the piano too much and i wont allow that to happen.
the old letters are dampened by the rain. the water seeped into my bag and found them. but what matters is not the paper. it's the words. the words that once seemed like magic and always will.
wonder why my gum bled all of a sudden. i didnt provoke it or sth...?
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24.9.03
honestly, im scared. again, there're so many uncertainties. why do i always have to be victimised by all these nonsensical crap? fine, just do it, im used to being subjected to confusion without proper explanations. if i were to say that i didnt give a damn, that'd be a blatant lie...
i dreamt and felt the renewed existence of a past recollection. just two people lost in their own world. got separated despite the emptiness of the place, there was no mob or uproar, but the people reconciled eventually. felt the helplessness and resignation of losing the lifeline. but after retrieving it, learnt to grasp tightly and to cherish it. just two people. if given a chance to find my lost lifeline from the mountain of debris, i wouldnt have done so so many things that i shouldnt have. matter is, in this case, what's lost can never be recovered. problem is, the lifeline doesnt even realise the lifeline is the lifeline of another. [makes sense?]
the rain's pretty persistent. hopefully it subsides by the time sis makes her way home. got splashed at by a speeding car. could have cussed but the wonderful memory that always reappears in stormy weather always overwrites other insignificant things of the sick, bitter world.
one.more.day. just one..
permanently wounded by the arrow
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23.9.03
what's wrong with channel 8? what's with the consecutive airing of programmes featuring stereotypical third-party relationships and men having affairs behind their wives' backs? even the repeats im watching are featuring such stuff. the thing i cant stand abt these shows is that i tend to have split opinions abt the mistresses [though i'd rather call them the third-parties]...at one point i tend to side with them for seeking true love without even realising and the next moment i can be criticizing them. the freaky thing is that i dont even realise it. i voice out my opinions without even remembering what i just said. it's like a metronome. perhaps the reason for my forgetting-what-i-just-said problem is my short-term memory. frustrating...i shd never side with those mistresses. my moral values need fine-tuning!
it will always remain as a desire and an unfulfilled dream.
two more days before im relieved from studying. my room's a junkyard. books are strewn all over the floor and sometimes, i just wonder how my maid can still happily lay out her mattress over them and doze off. goodness.
hai.yao.duo.jiu.wo.cai.neng.zai.ni.sheng.bian
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22.9.03
i cant tear myself away from the television. and the tantalising effect of the computer which is perpetually successful in disintegrating my already-thinning drive to do phy is going to ruin my grades tmr. daria's real interesting to watch. funny crony. :) i may consider watching the repeat telecast tonight. i seriously need to rid the habit of watching repeats. but my efforts have come to naught so far [proven by the past decade]...
they are growing more and more alike. as time goes by, they are gradually taking shape into clones of one another. how uncanny can that be. the style is absolutely smiliar. i recognize it at least. i wish there werent replicates. there's only need for one. and there's only room for the one in the snug little corner of the human pumping machine. the corner's all lavishly furnished. it's just unoccupied, for now. perhaps it will be, always.
it is so hard to overcome the drone of physics. if not for you, i'd never have made myself do it.
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21.9.03
the tagboard is hopelessly cocked up each time i attempt to tag. how's it like being the jinx of ur very own tagboard? -_-
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sodium thiosulphate. it has become, from this day onwards, my very best friend. the "god of my idolotary" and my "true-love passion". how cheapskate...reusing the same reagent for both VA and QA. but to look at it from another point of view, im just not observant enough to realise how similar [or even how identicall] they are. urgh. and with white fluffy wings, my marks take off and depart once again.
saw my aunt on the bus. think it was her. not too sure. she sure looks ordinary outside...i mean, when i go visit her or see her at my grandma's place, she's special...sth like having an invisible nametag on her saying, "my aunt". yea...but outside in public, doesnt seem quite like her. oh well, and it's the first time im noticing that she's actually pretty fair. how slow can i be...after 16 years...
i still enjoy watching from afar, when the whole thing seems surreal and you are in one imaginary land and i am in another. strangely remote but pleasantly indulging. have to watch my footsteps again.
i am prepared to screw my physics tomorrow. it's just a matter of time. even if u give me another month, the result will still be the same.
after lunch, smuggle me from bitter reality to slumberland...
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